Season’s greetings, Earthlings,

I trust that this missive finds you in good spirits, despite the cloud of befuddled confusion that seems to descend on most of you at around this time of year. I blame the climate and the lack of live reptiles in your diet. Were you to nibble on a couple of live vipers now then, you’d certainly have good reason to keep your wits about you during the cold winter months. But I digress.

Things have been quiet here at Bolster and Associates Investigations. As you know, Brent does not subscribe to the general view that this season is brightened up by the exchange of gifts and the consumption of luxurious food and drink. No, he is un affected by the atmosphere of goodwill and bon hommie that so many of you enjoy. Instead, Brent’s mood over the last few weeks is best described as sullen, and he’s much given to casting dark looks and making even darker remarks whenever words such as Christmas or yuletide are mentioned. Indeed, he has taken to hiding himself away at home, where he consumes dangerously large amounts of strong coffee. He’s found a brand of a coffee-like bean that’s drunk on Andel, and since most Andelian foodstuffs have been classified on Earth as biological weapons, he’s playing a dangerous game every time he opens the can. He couldn’t even grind the beans until he bought a suitably heavy hammer. Like many Andelian ingredients, the coffee needs to be stunned before it can be consumed.

I’m afraid you’ll get no yuletide greetings from Brent, but personally, I have come to appreciate many aspects of this season on Earth. On Gloabon, the government-mandated holidays are strictly observed, and everyone stops work early and packs up. In earth units, this extra free time would be the equivalent to approximately four minutes, and we used the time well, converging on the communal baths to take a dip and soak up the lovely glyphoforms that give our skin that lustrous green sheen. It is sad that you Earthlings are so unaware of the microorganisms that inhabit your body. We Gloabons appreciate our microscopic helpers, and as we like to say, you’re never alone with a symbiont.

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